i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
