I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
