He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
