I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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