whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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