i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
