I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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