Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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