somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
