did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
