Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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