Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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