In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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