Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
