If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
