I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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