I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
