Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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