Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ok first of all what the fuck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
