and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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