i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
