I think I am morally bankrupt
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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