Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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