What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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