we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
