Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
