I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
