ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
