Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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