just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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