It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
