You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
