Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
