I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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