Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pooping to opera.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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