Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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