Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
