Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
