Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
