At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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