I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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