guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
