i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
