Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
