I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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