plz talk dirty to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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