Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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