just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
