We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
