If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
