Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
